Question by : Are These the Ten Things You Need To Know ?
Ten Things It Took Me 50 Years To Learn

10. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

9. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

6. Never lick a steak knife.

5. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

4. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

3. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.

3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggest you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

1. Your friends love you, anyway.

10. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . ”

9. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: “Hi, my name is Judy and I’m with XYZ Company. ” You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, “What are you wearing?”

8. Cry out in surprise, “Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends, would you be my friend?”

6. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can’t just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

5. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can’t sell to employees.

4. Tell the Telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.

3. Tell the Telemarketer, “Okay, I’ll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

1. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing

Top Ten Signs You Are Having A Bad Day

10. You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

9. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

8. You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.

7. The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

6. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

5. Your kids start treating you the same way you treated your parents.

4. The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money.

3. You turn on the evening news and they are showing emergency routes out of the city.

2. Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.

1. Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

Best answer:

Answer by sailer
am i supposed to read all this?

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